To Mind Numbing Marketing Job
Here are some tried and true ways to piss off your asshole office workers. Wear lots of deodorant – you don’t even have to put it on your pits, just put it on your shirt. It will drive these folks insane. Old Spice is great sport is great. People love it or hate it and no one can ever fault someone for wearing too much deodorant; it shows perfect personal hygeine.
Spend some quality time in the washroom; you don’t even have to pee, just go and get the fuck out of that office for awhile- if anyone asks you what you were doing, give them a detailed explanation…I had diarrhoea and my period at the same time…I ate my mother’s cooking last night and got a blow out from both ends…I was instruced to double void by my doctor after my last bladder infection.
If you have to get to the washroom really fast (due to some nasty comment) simply cover your hand with your mouth, blow up your cheeks, make a sound in the back of your throat and run towards the washroom. Your path will clear like Moses parting the red sea.
Play deaf. If someone asks you an asshole question, ask them to repeat it over and over, and if they get annoyed, tell them that your ears are plugged up, and that you are constipated as well.
Pretend you are on an important phone call when the line is dead, all you have to do is press 1 and it will take a little while for the operator to come on and say please hang up and call again.