MEMO: How to be a Better You!

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You may be asking yourself how you can contribute more at work. Maybe you’re feeling lost or without a sense of purpose?

Don’t worry, we all think about this from time to time. You’re not an idiot. There’s no reason to go on feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

Here’s a quick guide to becoming a better you. Let’s start with a simple Q&A that should help clarify things:

Why do we work?

Stack of cash
We work to help our company make more money.

It’s an exciting time to be part of the corporate workforce. Your actions directly contribute to our bottom line. And our bottom line is sky high right now. How’s that for a feeling of great accomplishment?

Now that you have a sense of purpose, you must be really interested in learning more, and wondering what to do next. Let me guess – you’re asking yourself this question right now:

I’m super interested…but how do I achieve maximal synergy and become a team player?

It’s so easy. Here is a to-do list to help you energize your passion and achieve maximal synergy. Don’t delay! Remember that “Delay is not okay.”

  1. Ask yourself with every decision you make: Is this good for the company?

    For example, you may be tired of hearing people go on about breaks and lunches.

    Does a 24/7 global organization ever take a break? No, and neither should your colleagues. One could go and consume food, or perhaps one could stay at their desk and crank out some informative spreadsheets. Be a hero and report these food eating slackers to your supervisor. Your reward is the warm feelings you’ll experience from Making Work Great Againtm.

  2. Try to spend a little more time at the office.

    Rather than fighting rush hour traffic, leave for work a couple hours early every day. This ensures that you won’t be late and yields more opportunities to do some low-key work, which benefits the company without giving you unnecessary recognition (a.k.a. stress).

    BONUS TIP: Don’t forget about staying late, too.

  3. Stay focused.

    You may have had an experience with a coworker trying to discuss personal business on the clock. You will have a much more productive day if you simply ignore your coworkers’ attempts to chat or remind them that it’s not appropriate behavior in the office.

  4. Eliminate bathroom breaks.

    Companies all over the world are guilty of this sin: allowing employees unrestricted access to the bathroom. If you must use the bathroom during working hours, it is suggested to bring your phone and make a cold call or two. Be sure you are not being obvious about your state of affairs as you make your calls. This could reflect poorly on our reputation.

  5. Help the company save money by sacrificing your position.

    Sooner or later, you will be replaced by someone cheaper, better and more efficient – perhaps a robot. Do your part and help research ways the company might be able to outsource your position. Write a report about the cost benefits of your termination and present it to your bosses. Don’t be surprised if you earn a high five or firm pat on the back for your efforts.

Now that you’ve been educated, we challenge you all to implement these strategies today for a better corporate world tomorrow.

Here’s to a great quarter!

I. Matthew Watt
CEO

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